Anxiety Detox

Mental health is not a field that I am an expert in. But as everyone does at some point, I’ve dealt with stress and anxiety for a fair amount of my time. In cases like mine, some days I’m fine and others I am filled with stress and dread. It’s as if everyone around me is moving and I am standing still with my feet cemented to the ground. I wanted to write about some of the strategies/daily things I’ve done to improve my mental state pretty drastically. These may not work for everyone, or maybe some do and some don’t, but the worst thing I’ve found you can do is sit still and let the stresses of your everyday life eat you alive. Find something that works for you and keep doing it. If it helps you stay calm even for a moment or an hour, it’s worth your time.

  1. Find a happy place- I’m convinced there is a place for everyone where the world kind of stops or slows down and allows us to breathe. For me, it’s the beach. Whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed, or when I feel the anxiety coming on, I take a ride by the beach, get out and just walk on the sand and watch the waves crash. As long as the ocean is able to keep moving, I should be too.
  2. Take a look at your diet- I’m really guilty of not paying close attention to this, but greasy, no-good-for-you foods and caffeine filled drinks obviously make your body feel both exhausted and hyperactive. It’s not a good combination. I’ve changed my diet the past few months and my mood is likely ten times higher than it was when I didn’t care.
  3. Work toward a goal- It can be the smallest thing like doing the dishes every day, or drinking a certain amount of water every day or putting the clean clothes away. It fills up the time during each day that your mind usually spends wandering through the dark and anxious places. And, goals are usually set to improve quality of life, so by setting one for yourself you can reduce stress as well as live a happier life. For example, my goal has been reaching a higher level of fitness and achieving weight loss, and I’ve been doing really well. If your overall goal is too large, create mini goals on your way to the larger one.
  4. Stay active- while we’re on the topic, exercise releases chemicals in your brain that allow you to destress. There are so many different ways to get your body moving including running, yoga, kickboxing, weight lifting and a plethora of other options. Find what works for you and your schedule, and make it something that you look forward to doing.
  5. Write or draw it out- Keep a journal or start a blog if you want to go more public. Whatever outlet you choose, you’re getting your thoughts out of your head where they can stir around and make you crazy and release them somewhere safe. I keep a journal for the more personal things as well as post on this blog for the thoughts I feel like I can share. You don’t have to be Shakespeare in order to put a pen to paper.
  6. Find something to relate to- Music has been my biggest comfort since before middle school. You could also choose a TV series, movie, book or something completely different, as long as it gives you an outlet or something to relate to. The best media stress relievers are the ones that help you get through whatever is going on in your life as well as give you the confidence that you’ll get through the next thing too.
  7. Do what you have to do without embarrassment- If you need professional help, get it. If you have to scream into the void every so often, scream. If you feel like you need to cry, cry it out. Whatever you have to do, do it unapologetically.

Some of these may work for you, or maybe none of them will. Most of them have worked for me, but every person is different and has different ways of coping. Do you have any tips or vices to get you through times of stress and anxiety? Let me know in the comments!



Reasons to befriend a ‘betic

Yeah, diabetes sucks. But if nothing else, it makes those who have to bear it great companions for non-betics! We have to pay extra attention to how we’re feeling hour by hour, so we’re basically always on the prowl for health issues in ourselves as well as others. While we might feel like it’s an extra responsibility for others to make sure we’re okay throughout the day, there are reasons our condition can actually be beneficial to you (if you want to see the reasons, that is).

1. We’re great mom friends (or dad friends)

We know health struggles, and how to prevent most of them. Do you need water? Have you eaten enough today? Are you feeling okay? We know, and we’ll take care of you.

2. We always have snacks

Because there is always a chance our blood sugar could plummet unexpectedly, we have to keep a small stash of granola bars, juice boxes, peanut butter crackers, or anything else that will raise our sugar quickly. And we’ll probably share.

3. We can stay calm in most emergency situations

Odds are, we’ve had one or two emergencies ourselves. It’s obviously different when someone else is the focus of the emergency, but we’ll usually be able to stay calm and get help quickly.

4. We’re basically nurses without the degree

Diabetes leads to a lot of other health issues, so even if we don’t have them, we’ll know the symptoms and warning signs for a lot of other problems.

5. More food for you!

Diabetics are limited to what we can eat, so if there’s ever a really sugary dessert or too many starches on our plates, we’ll pass them your way.

6. Lastly, we’re pretty self sufficient

The thing is, a lot of people think they have to pay extra attention to us in case our blood sugar rises or falls. In reality though, we are so in tune to our own bodies that we can sometimes tell minutes or even hours in advance if we’re going to have an issue and correct it before it happens. It’s kind of a sixth sense.

To eat or not to eat- that is the question

When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Except if you’re diabetic, then you just squeeze it in your unsweetened iced tea. 

I’ve been criticized by both people who know I have diabetes, and those who don’t know, when food is concerned. Many times, the ones who know– mostly the older people who know– often study my plate to make sure I’m not eating anything with even a gram of sugar. The amount of “Should you be eating that?” and “Is your sugar low enough for that?” lines I’ve been dealt feels astronomical.

I really don’t mind if someone wants to learn about the criteria of foods I can consume and be okay. I like educating people. However, knowing people are watching me and analyzing every bite I take not only makes me feel like they believe I’m incompetent, but also very, very self conscious.

Along with the diabetes, I struggle with body image as well. I’ve never been tiny, and I’m aware of that. I’m working on it. I don’t need to be stick skinny, but I’d like to avoid feeling like I’m grossly obese, which is how I have felt sometimes in the past. If someone is going to glare at me for eating a few french fries or potato chips, I’m going to stop eating them and everything else. This is something I’ve struggled with since I was twelve or thirteen– it’s not new to me.

The other side of this is basically the opposite problem. Because I function like a normal human being in public, some people assume that I am in normal health and that diabetes is just a word. I have been accused more than once of using diabetes as an excuse not to eat high sugar and calorie foods because they believe I’m only trying to lose weight, aka, being a prude.

It’s actually a life or death decision. And because maybe someone has seen me eat high sugar foods in the past to correct a low blood sugar, they believe I have a “cheat day” any time I want. I wish there was an on/off switch for diabetes, but the fact is, there isn’t.

It’s like if I were to say to someone who has asthma, “you didn’t take your inhaler today, you’re not allowed to breathe.” Maybe that’s a little dramatic, but honestly, how ridiculous is that statement?

For those who are concerned about a diabetic’s immediate health, please do not feel discouraged to speak up. My point is only that a diabetic will most of the time know their limits. They know what’s within their boundaries, and how to compensate for things that might be a little outside of them. The biggest asset you can be to a diabetic is a support line, when they need it.


DISCLAIMER: The severity and symptoms of each individual diabetic varies, as should their support system. Do not be afraid to offer assistance when they may appear to need it.




But really, this post isn’t to complain about being sick. Everyone gets sick. It’s about how diabetes makes being sick, like a hundred times worse (okay I’m exaggerating but that’s how it feels). For one thing, it doesn’t go away as quickly as it might in a normal person. Diabetes is considered an autoimmune disease, which means that a body’s cells work against themselves, specifically in the pancreas. However, if cells are fighting against the cells in one of my organs, I can accurately jump to the conclusion that they will fight against the rest of my immune system as well. And my body has been fighting itself a little extra for about three weeks.  

Secondly, once it’s in your house, it doesn’t go away. You’ll give it to your siblings who will give it to your parents who will give it to you grandparents who will give it back to you. The house will be filled with germs and cough drops.

As for the diabetes thing, blood sugars will spiral out of control. No matter how much insulin you give yourself or how little you eat, it’s no surprise when you can’t get your sugar level below 250, which then brings on a plethora of other symptoms. On top of the coughing and sinus issues, it feels like you need a gallon of water every hour, and when you do drink that much, you get seriously nauseous.

All I want to do is be able to speak, not squeak. The most frustrating part of this is knowing that if I did not have diabetes, I would probably have regained full health about a week ago. However, after two rounds of antibiotics, I’m left waiting out the remainder of whatever is going on with my body.

Please let me know if you have any home remedies that might help bring my voice back! I don’t use it that much, but I’m really starting to miss it.  Thanks for reading!

12 Lists of Christmas

It is officially mid-December, which means there are less than TWO WEEKS until Christmas (but who’s counting?). In keeping with the spirit of the holidays, I’m sharing my personal 12 lists of Christmas. It’s off-topic for this blog, but bah humbug, I’m doing it anyway. Tell me your own faves in the comments!

12  favorite Christmas songs:

1. Ho ho Hopefully-  The Main

2. Christmas Time Again–  Amely

3. Baby Please Come Home- Josh Ramsay and also check out Anberlin

4. Christmas With You- Artist vs. Poet

5. December- Neck Deep ft. Chris Carrabba 

6. There Will Be No Christmas- Crown the Empire

7. Mittens- Carly Rae Jepsen

8. Sing in Celebration- Faber Drive

9. Maybe this Christmas- For All Those Sleeping

10. Down to Us- Let’s Get It

11. Merry Christmas, I Miss You- Farewell for Now

12. Christmas Lights- Yellowcard

Here’s a link to my Spotify playlist with all of my personal favorites

11 Christmas Movies

  1. Home Alone
  2. Elf
  3. To Grandmother’s House We Go
  4. The Santa Clause
  5. Polar Express
  6. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
  7. The Santa Clause 2
  8. A Christmas Prince
  9. The Muppet Christmas Carol
  10. Nightmare Before Christmas
  11. The Santa Clause 3

10 Christmas Specials

  1. Rudoph the Red Nose Reindeer
  2. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
  3. A Charlie Brown Christmas
  4. Frosty the Snowman
  5. Rudolph’s Shiny New Year
  6. The Year Without a Santa Claus
  7. The Little Drummer Boy
  8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (1966)
  9. Annabelle’s Wish
  10. Grandma got Runover by a Reindeer

9 Christmas Cookies

  1. Sugar
  2. Gingerbread
  3. Peanut Butter
  4. Snickerdoodles
  5. Chocolate chip mint
  6. Thumbprint
  7. Red Velvet
  8. Dulce de Leche
  9. Snowballs

Almost all of these recipes can be found at this link

8 Universal Christmas Gifts

  1. Socks
  2. Candles
  3. Books
  4. Cookies/candy
  5. Gift cards
  6. Coffee/mug set
  7. Lotion/shampoo/toiletries
  8. pajamas

7 Stocking Stuffers

  1. Candy
  2. Cookies
  3. Tea light candles
  4. Gloves
  5. Pens/pencils
  6. Playing Cards
  7. Chap stick

6 Cookie Cutter Shapes

  1. Snowman
  2. Reindeer
  3. Christmas Tree
  4. Star
  5. Angel
  6. Snowflake

5 Christmas Dinner Items

  1. Ham/Turkey
  2. Baked Ziti/lasagna
  3. Cranberry suace
  4. Bread
  5. Potatoes

4 Christmas Traditions

  1. Decorating the tree
  2. Putting up lights
  3. Making cookies for Santa
  4. Watching Christmas specials

3 Christmas Drinks

  1. Apple Cider
  2. Hot Chocolate
  3. Eggnog

2 Christmas Faux Pas

  1. Peeking under the tree at presents
  2. Digging into the food before it’s been put on the table

1 Christmas greeting



20 Stages of Type 1 Diabetes

  1. Waking up low and eating breakfast like

2. Then your body decides you over corrected and need insulin NOW

3. When you get to a public place and your pump decides it’s time for a new battery

4. But there is literally no convenient way to change it at the present moment

5. But you break out your pump anyway because, ya know, you need it to live, and people around you get all curious

6. So you have to explain your long-winded diabetes saga yet again, boring even yourself

7. And feel them watching you the rest of the day to make sure you don’t pass out

8. Get at least three people telling you, “I know all about diabetes, my grandmother’s cat has it!”

9. Coming home to find out that someone raided your secret stash

10. Knowing the difference between being intoxicated and high/low blood sugar

11. “So like, is it contagious?”

12. When someone asks if I got diabetes from eating too much sugar

13. And you lie to avoid the long conversation

14. Then they try to tell you what you can and cannot eat

15. But you stuff it in your face anyway just to spite them

16. …and regret it two hours later

17. When you finally come down to a normal range

18. …and you realize you have an endocrine appointment next week

19. Accepting that your life is a roller coaster of health issues anyway so might as well buckle up

20. And finally, the feeling of relief after you see your endocrinologist and he doesn’t scream at you






It’s Diabetes Awareness Month!

Happy November!

November is full of widely recognized holidays in the US, including Veterans Day, Thanksgiving and Black Friday (if you believe that a day of extreme discounts is a holiday. I do). But a lesser known month-long event that takes place in November is diabetes awareness month.

Officially, diabetes is defined as a disease in which the body’s ability to produce or respond to the hormone insulin is impaired, resulting in abnormal metabolism of carbohydrates and elevated levels of glucose in the blood and urine. What does that mean in English?

It means reading the nutrition facts on every packaged food you consume, or knowing estimated carbohydrate counts on foods without labels. It means eyeballing measurements like a cup of pasta or potatoes. Figuring out if you can eat something based on carbohydrate to sugar ratios.

But my goal for diabetes awareness month is for people, even just a few of them, to understand what doctors can’t tell you about the disease. It may differ from person to person, but nearly all diabetics will understand this.

  • Diabetes is going trick-or-treating on Halloween, and hoping that your blood sugar will drop just enough to allow yourself a piece of candy.
  • Diabetes is carrying around extra supplies everywhere you go just in case.
  • It means being pat down and man handled at the airport when all you want to do is get from point A to point B.
  • It’s explaining to people that your insulin pump is not some sort of cell phone you have attached to your hip.
  • Being self conscious of the scars all over your body from injection sites.
  • It’s knowing the difference between high or low blood sugar and normal intoxication when drinking alcohol.
  • It’s the struggle you have managing weight, and knowing healthy people wouldn’t have this much of a problem.
  • The plethora of other health issues that come with it, like kidney disease or heart issues.
  • Knowing that people mean well when they pretend to understand the disease because their grandmother has it too, even though it’s probably type 2.
  • The list goes on.

One day, I hope that no one will ever have to know these things because there will be a cure and it will be affordable to everyone. Until then, I want people to know that diabetes is more than a medical condition. It’s a way of life, and it’s never easy, no matter how long you’ve been dealing with it. Diabetes is more than a physiological illness; it’s a source of self consciousness and doubt. Knowing you’re not, and will never be, “normal,” but trying your best to be anyway. Diabetics are strong, not because we choose to be, but because we have to be.

All anyone can do is live the lives they’re given. We are diabadasses, and November is the time to take note of that.

Feel free to leave your personal struggles in the comments!

Quarter century goals

As I was reading through a journal I used to keep, I came across an entry from what I’m assuming was a few years ago about future goals. Particularly, goals I wanted to reach by the time I turned 25. Now being about a week and a half away from that, I feel like I need to check in and readjust some of those goals– or at least write about them as a self-motivator.

  1. Fitness– I am in a better place than I was a year ago, but I still need a lot of work. I didn’t have any solid goals then either, so I’ll be setting some for myself starting this week. I’ll check off this box for my 25 year bucket list, but 26 better watch out because I’m coming for ya.
  2. Write a blog– Well, here we are! My next goal is to update more consistently. (PS talk to me if you have any ideas for me to write about, I’m running low).
  3. See more of my friends and family– Sorry to those of you I haven’t seen or even checked in with in a while, I’m coming back real soon.
  4. Watch more movies and shows– There are a few shows I keep up with consistently (and am anxiously awaiting more seasons) like Stranger Things, 13 Reasons Why, and Riverdale, but I always feel like I’m behind on pop culture. Leave me suggestions!
  5. Learn to play an instrument– I don’t actually have an instrument to play, but I think learning something new would keep me sharp.
  6. Travel somewhere new– I just have a consistent case of wanderlust that I need to satiate.

That’s all I have for now, but I’m sure I’ll add on later. Let me know if anyone wants to embark on any of these journeys with me! Cheers to 25. ♥

New beginnings (again)

Well, I kind of took a hiatus from this blog for a while because firstly, I got a bit complacent. Also, nothing new or interesting had been happening. However, I’m finally taking a step– maybe not too far forward, but at least in the right direction, which is still progress. I started a new job as a receptionist/front desk person at a dance studio. This means normal hours, consistent hours, and less dirty work.

I really like my co-workers from the kitchen. They became friends, and some like family. The job just isn’t right for me. Maybe a receptionist job isn’t completely right either, but I won’t know until I try. It’s certainly something different than what I’ve been doing, which is exactly what I want right now. No substantial physical labor, no uniforms and no coming home smelling like soggy vegetables. (Full time and a pay raise is a great motivator, too.)

Perks include being around music, dancing and happy people, and occasionally petting the puppies that come to work with one of the owners. The best part about the job though is that I’ll be able to use some of my skills and training from school and previous related experience in real life. They want to use my skills. I’m already brainstorming what I can do.

I really think this will be a long-term home for me. The kitchen I’m at now has been long-term too, but I never intended it to be. I never wanted to get comfortable there, but I think I’m okay finding comfort at the dance studio. I can grow there.

It’s not that I was embarrassed to say I worked in a kitchen when people asked what I did for work, but I always felt like I should have been doing more. My answer to the question, “What do you do?” usually started with “I’m only in a kitchen right now,” and always ended with “…but I’m looking for something in communication.” I worked hard, especially my last year in college, to finally get my Bachelor’s degree and I wasn’t even using it. So while this may not be my ending point, it’s a good place to get comfortable for a while. I can take a break from searching.

So wish me luck on this new adventure and I’ll be sending good vibes to everyone else who needs them in their job search right now. Updates to follow!

When you realize…

…That you don’t have to shop in the plus size section anymore. I recently went shopping with my mom at the mall, and the first store we went in was Forever 21. Now, I’m sure that almost anyone who shops there can admit that their sizes are reasonable compared to other stores, but are still cut just a little small. So, naturally, I head upstairs toward the “Forever 21+” section. After looking for a while through their very limited selection of plus size clothing, my mom says to me, “You know you don’t have to shop in this section anymore, right?”

But I didn’t know. I wasn’t aware that my body had changed that much. Thirty-five pounds sounds like a big number, but I didn’t see what the scale was telling me in my reflection. However, I broadened my horizons and wandered through the rest of the store. I didn’t know where to start, honestly. The clothes on the hangers looked so small, there was no way they were going to fit me. But I picked out a few shirts to start and guess what?

They fit. Comfortably.

I haven’t been that excited in a very long time. Shopping is always an emotional process when you’re plus sized.

  1. Pick up a cute piece of clothing
  2. Doubt that it will fit, or look good on your body if it does
  3. Try it on anyway, secretly hoping it will fit you like the jeans in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
  4. Look in the mirror, immediately take it off, and explain to whoever you’re shopping with that you “just didn’t like it”
  5. Repeat

Being used to that step-by-step process, I was hesitant to buy anything that was labeled normally. However, when I did buy it, get it home, try it on and still like it in my own mirror, it was such a good feeling. It’s a beautiful feeling to see beauty in your own reflection.

I know, I know, beauty is on the inside. But it’s nice to like yourself as a whole rather than in parts. I still have a long way to go, but for the first time I actually think I can get there.